we're here

Yesterday, Magnum and I were partaking of an old folk's walk, when he said, "We should go somewhere tomorrow", implying an eating establishment perhaps. 

Now, we rarely go out for meals - go on plenty of coffee excursions, maybe throw in a bagel or such - but going out for an actual meal usually involves our kids as well. So I thought for a moment, and responded, "why?"

"It's our anniversary", he smirked.

"OH, heh. I knew that!", I quickly responded, pulling up the calendar in my head.

I do know the DATE of our anniversary, I just hadn't realized it was here already. August?! Wasn't it just May??

As is probably obvious at this point, we don't make a big do on our anniversary. I think of it in the way Vince Lombardi (I think) didn't like touchdown celebrations because he wanted his players to be all, "of course we scored, it's inevitable. Chill out".

Actually, I think the quote is "Act like you've been there before", but that might not carry the same meaning when applied to a wedding anniversary. *AHEM*

Anyway, here we were back then.

Coupla kids signing our lives away.

The wedding was in a little church in my little hometown. We did the traditional things - the flowers, the cake, the white dress, etc. 

The date itself was not particularly "special". As for many, I assume, it was a day on the calendar when the important people were free of other obligations and available to be in the little hometown, and the venue was available.

And *poof* here we are 34 years later.

So yes, we've been here before. It's inevitable, we planned it that way.chill out. ❤️

We did partake of a lovely bicycle ride this morning. I will miss these perfect mornings when we are in the thick of frozen winter. 

We stopped downtown for a coffee break - doesn't count as "go someplace" yet - it was relatively quiet. University students are starting to arrive for the fall semester. Freshmen start moving into their dorms tomorrow.

We sat near a window of the coffee shop and watched as police people walked around, investigating. There was a shooting nearby last night - one dead, one injured. A suspect has not yet been caught. 

We have a pleasant, typically wholesome, downtown area. But sadly, we also have our share of thugs.

weekend mash-up

I'm nursing yet another spider bite. A couple of weeks ago, I had three - count 'em, three - spider bites at various locations on my head. Annoying, itchy, oozy things. I assume a spider was in my bicycle helmet when I unknowingly put it on? Then it had a munch fest?

Friday morning, I woke up with another telltale bump. This one on my chin. It has oozed for the last couple of days, and I think we're almost done, but sheesh.

Us at our flashiest

Magnum and I racked up another year of wedded bluster bliss this week. That makes 33 of them so far. Egads! 

No big celebratory antics, just mutual acknowledgement and back to it. We're both so dang low maintenance, and that's probably the biggest factor in our "success".

In this week's news, certainly the devastating fires of Maui caught our attention. We've had our fair share of scary wildfire in Colorado, and I think of Hawaii as being in the tropics and not as susceptible, but, sadly, no.

And on a local sad note, the local bike club planted yet another ghost bike. This one a memorial for a 10-year-old boy. 

Heartbreaking. 

Ghost bikes shouldn't be this small.

The work week ahead looks good with Boss and Assistant Boss away at a conference. I honestly can't imagine how one fills a whole week at a Testing Conference, but they're off on their adventure, and maybe the mice will play.

Fall semester classes begin a week from tomorrow. *WHOOSH* ← The sound summer makes as it leaves the chat.

girl you know it's true

I got a sponsored ad on my f@cebook feed for these running shoes. Their claim to fame is that they're "the first" running shoe designed specifically for women. I kind of doubted that claim, and after reading the story, I think Under Armour is really splitting hairs. 

I dunno, I'm skeptical, but have not put a pair on my particular feet, so  guess they can advertise all they want. But my takeaway from the article was a (admittedly, rather immature) giggle at the name of the shoe: Flow Synchronicity.

Flow

Synchronicity

I imagine the marketing minds brainstorming away. What to name a shoe JUST for women? Ooh, let's throw together some menstrual connotations!  FLOW! SYNCHRONICITY!

I won't comment on the colorway, but here they are. Period sneakers. For women. Of course.

Okay, onto another subject. The second week of August '22 is in the books. With that, Magnum and I passed the 32-year mark on wedded bliss. A couple of kids back then. 

According to the internet (which didn't truly exist for the masses back then), it was the same year the Berlin Wall came down, Operation Desert Shield began, the Hubble Space Telescope sent its first photos from space, "Twin Peaks" premiered, and Milli Vanilli was stripped of their Grammy after it was revealed that they did not sing on their award-winning album. 

Alas, I was such a Milli Vanilli fan. Blame it on the rain.

They don't make fake bands like they used to. 

nothing disgusting

Today's inktober prompt is "disgusting", and I decided to give myself a break from the inking since (1) a break sounded good, and (2) I couldn't think of anything "disgusting" that I'd want to be engaged with for an hour or so.

I did manage to get through the first 10 prompts in time, so adding to last week's inktober update...

Number 10, "Hope" is a pregnancy test stick of unknown outcome.  I figure "Hope" applies to either result, depending on the testee.

But speaking of "disgusting", there was a time when same sex marriage was considered disgusting.  There are many with that view still today.  But too bad for those people, because it's totally legal in all 50 states.

A longtime good friend of mine got hitched yesterday for the first time at the ripe age of 58.  I'd originally planned to be at the wedding, but COVID threw a small wrench in those plans.  

Undeterred, he married his partner while many of their friends tuned in online.

I'm so happy for them both.  *SNIFF*  Nothing disgusting here.

a clean break

According to my stack of digital documents, we sold a house yesterday.

According to our realtor's facebook page, we sold a "Stunning Red Hot Home in Prestigious Briargate"

I suppose there were some grains of truth in that realtor-speak.  "Red Hot" as in more buyers than houses for sale currently, and "Prestigious" in that there are some fancy-pants houses in other parts of Briargate...

But hey, whatever works!

We never actually met the buyer since we moved in December and just communicated through our agents.  Make them earn that hefty commission.  From what I do know, it seems that he bought the house as an investment to either spruce up and flip in the Red Hot market or rent out.  Either way, it's no longer ours.

Kinda bittersweet actually.  It's a relief to have the house off our books, but we'd lived there for almost 16 years, so our kids really grew up there and we made a lot of memories.  It's the longest I've lived anywhere other than the family home where I lived and grew up for 18 years.

But rather than dwell on what I miss about the place, I'll count off a few things I won't miss:

• the partying millenials next door
• the old crappy fences, subjected to high winds
• all that space to maintain for just, now, two people
• the sprawl and traffic of Colorado Springs

In the meantime, Magnum's fighting off some crud virus.  Had to drag his sorry butt to the notary public to sign the closing papers.  She was probably thinking, "look at this Mr. Excitement over here".  We didn't mention the crud virus to her, and in hindsight, maybe she thought we were doing a divorce sale - Ha!

I get the pencil sharpener.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Linking up this week with Mama Kat for the prompt:
1. Write a blog post inspired by the word: break.

appreciation Friday in five acts

Operation Consolidation is going swimmingly.
Remember a while back I said I was going to consolidate our lives to the main floor of the house?  Well, that project is pretty much complete.  I'm also happy that I was able to donate or sell a good portion of items, and our kids also each laid claim to a few things.

That's not to say that our lower level is entirely empty - I still have my desk where I tutor and (usually) blog from, and the laundry remains - but that's mainly because it would be an unnecessary pain to move those things.   I mainly wanted to downsize our stuff in preparation of downsizing our house.  And on that note,

I appreciate my flexible side gig and tutees
It's not easy to reenter the workforce after taking several years off to be a mom.  I'm grateful that I can still be productive and contribute while doing something I (typically) enjoy.  My students are diverse and unique, but enjoyable to work with.  Even that strange one who sometimes summons me for nothing is quite personable.

And online tuting has helped to expand my workload from the comfort of home where I only need to appear presentable from shoulders up.

Spring is coming
I know I've stated here, truthfully, that I like winter.  I appreciate winter.  I like having four seasons.  I'm ready to switch to the next one now, thanks.

A match made in geekdom
Last weekend, Magnum and I watched this quirky movie, "The Lobster".  Have you seen it?  We found it strange yet fun and entertaining.  There are tranquilizer guns that have a role in the movie, and when they first appeared, Magnum mildly commented, "Huh.  That's my gun".

Now, this isn't the first time this has happened while watching a movie.  And in saying "my" gun, it's not that Magnum owns that particular gun.  It's that he designed that particular gun.

Magnum is a design engineer.  Years ago, he worked for an airgun company.  A couple of his designs are *the* airgun to have for their particular applications - tranquilizing for instance... or Hollywood movies involving tranquilizer guns.  So sometimes his designs show up in movies or such.

Years ago, I used to be an engineer, but I can't say that I've noticed any of "my" products in movies or in the Olympics, etc.  As I think about it, I'm only reminded that I recently had a successful tutee end up with his mugshot on the news...

So a shout out to Magnum whom I met in enginerd school.  I'd thought he was a bit strange, and he is, but now look.  His name on several patents, while also a Hollywood star.

On that note
He also does our taxes.  Thank God.

when nerds collide

Out for a romantic dinner.  He suddenly stood up, then got down on one knee, whipped a diamond ring out of somewhere, and popped the question.

Or...

At a lovely hiking destination, with nothing but the sounds of nature and breathtaking views.  He gently popped the question.

Or...

At a favorite sports venue and suddenly he was on the jumbo tron, down on one knee, and smilingly popped the question.

I've heard of things like this happening or seen them in movies.  Well, nothing like that has ever happened to me, and I'm perfectly fine with that.

In fact, our proposal just sort of materialized.  Think of an engineering problem to set the romantic mood...

Magnum and I met at the University of Colorado where we were both studying mechanical engineering.  So right there, it can be inferred that we were/are both unromantic nerds.  We'd been "dating" for a little over a year I think.  But I'm struggling to recall our "dates" since I mainly remember working at my retail job and doing homework, and he was in the Army National Guard when he wasn't doing homework.  Somehow, we managed to become a couple during that time.

The proposal, however, was quite momentous.

We had both just finished fall semester finals, typical painful things that they were.  So we were celebrating the conclusion of finals and being another semester closer to graduation when the idea of marriage just kinda came up.

The mush that was left of our brains at that point was already on vacation.  Plus, we were both probably a little drunk at the time.  Yeah, what the hell!  Let's get hitched!

And here we are, almost 28 years later.

As an epilogue to that touching story, I also remember the choosing of our wedding date.

Magnum's brother/best man lived in Austria at the time.  My brother Guano/usher lived in Japan at the time.  My best friend/maid of honor lived in Germany at the time.  We managed to find a date that worked for all those worldly people.  My dress was off-the-rack JCPenney, and we sealed the deal.

To this day, we sometimes consider renewing our vows and having the wedding WE always wanted...

at the Justice of the Peace.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Linking up with Mama Kat this week for the prompt:
1. Write about your proposal.

Silver Liningness Sunday

Whoo, this week was pretty heavy on the silver and light on the clouds!

First of all, Magnum and I are officially an Old Married Couple.  We made the 25-year mark on Tuesday, according to our marriage certificate.  My how time flies, I remember when we were just a young stupid couple.  Now we're older...
We're planning to go out for a celebratory meal later today.  After 25 years, waiting a few days to celebrate is nuthin'.

Also this week, I got some more free bike stuff.  Lookie!

All this and the bag it came in!

The bicycling app I use promotes challenges every now and then which usually result in getting various "badges" added to user profiles.  I recently signed up for this SRAM Mariposa Challenge, and shortly afterward, I got an email directing me to go to the local bike shop sponsor and pick up my gift bag.  What?  Gift bag??

As a bonus, this particular shop is the one I adopted Bella from so many years ago.  They've moved three times since then, and their current location offers a very pleasant bike ride to get to. So I had fun just getting there, let alone picking up my loot!

In other challenges, a shout out to Wolfgang for doing the Pikes Peak Ascent yesterday.  It's a 13.32 mile foot race to the summit of Pikes Peak.  

Earlier this year, he and 3 friends decided to do it together.  Two of them had done it before, and it was the maiden voyage for Wolfgang and another.  Recall that Wolfgang first thought of doing it last summer, but missed the qualifying race after a nasty longboarding crash and resulting road rash.  

This year, he was more organized, and they signed up for the Triple Crown of Running, which is  a series of three races culminating with the Ascent.    And today is the Marathon, which is up to the summit and then back down.  Some crazies do both races!

They all made it in fine fashion.  Online results were updated every five minutes or so, so I was down here in the lowlands in Mom mode refreshing the page until all four of them had crossed the finish.  The last three miles of the race are above timberline, where Wolfgang reports that, "Not stopping is the hardest part".

I will say that the four friends didn't train all that hard.  They'd go running for about an hour every few days or so.  They did go run on the mountain for a couple of hours one Saturday, but other than that, they just signed up, did the races, then ran up the mountain yesterday and finished with enviable times.  Ah, to be young again!

And while Wolfgang was getting himself back down to where the oxygen is, Magnum, Meego, and I decided to beat the heat at a reptile show.

"Just looking!", I stressed before we walked into the place.  And it was quite fun to look at all the slimy creepy crawlies.

Stacks of Pythons - not your typical Tupperware party!

  

*Scarface mode*

"Seh Hello to my turtle fren!"

There's a really fat Chameleon in there.  See it?

I'm happy to report that we did manage to get in and out without purchasing anything other than our admission.  It was at this very show a few years ago that we got the still MIA Reese.  His breeder has been at all the shows we've attended since, and he was also at yesterday's expo.  Usually, we go visit with him and his fresh crop of king snakes and update on how Reese is doing.

We avoided stopping by his table yesterday... *sniff*

But all in all, it was a fun show, and I'm glad we didn't give in to temptation.  The Solcata Tortoises were definitely calling to us, but at $200 a pop, fuggedaboudit!  The $20 PacMan frog was a bigger threat to my resolve.  What would I do with a PacMan frog, anyway??

...Other than love him and squeeze him and name him "George".

.

Silver Liningness whatever day

Whew... it's been a hit-the-ground-running kinda day!  It's still sort of going that way, but I'm taking an aid station break I suppose.

This after a nice mellow couple of weeks where I had a lull between tutor loads.  I enjoyed another visit with my parents yesterday, knowing that some heck would break loose starting today. 

But it's all good, and really not too heavy.  It's just the start of another fall testing season for the nervous high school seniors, and getting a new batch of students all going at the same time is a bit crazy.  But we'll settle into a happy trot soon enough.

Chaco and friends had one of their rip-roaring LAN parties over the weekend to celebrate end of summer.  I like how this group of guys has managed to keep the geekiness alive since their high school days.

I asked Chaco if he slept much.  He said, "not much" and commented that his voice was hoarse from yelling.

"'Cause when you play video games, you have to yell"

And I'm thinking about the accomodating couple that always lends out their house for these things.  Andrew is an only child, and the guys go to his house and take over the basement.

I'm thinking they deserve, at the very least, a fruit basket or something!

In other news, Magnum and I are an old married couple.  Twenty-four years as of today.  He reminded me that last year, we celebrated by attending the wedding of one of his coworkers.  Then he said that THEY were going to the fancy pants restaurant tonight.

He said so as we sat around in our shorts and t-shirts and flip flops, eating some tuna salad and whatever leftovers needed eating.  I'm fine with it.

That's one reason why he married me.
.

Silver Liningness Sunday

Well, first of all...

married twenty three years today.  We got it in writing and everything.  Happy Anniversary to Magnum!

This week, I got this e-mail from the mapmyride app on my new Nexus 7 tablet telling me I got a "QOM" badge.  So I'm wondering, "what the heck's a QOM badge??"  Anyone use the mapmy[thing] apps?  Anyway, one of my bike rides overlaps a course, so I got a Queen Of the Mountain badge. 

It so happens that it is the beloved Mouse Town section of that route.  I learned that this is just one of the fun things the app does.  I would ride my bicycle anyway, but I rather like being crowned a Queen of Mouse Town. 

So yeah, I'm enjoying my new Nexus 7 tablet.  So glad I finally got it for school and tutoring... *ahem*

Speaking of which, fall test prep has begun.  All of my students are nice kids, and I'm not taking on anymore, so that's a good thing.

The work season is ending for Wolfgang.  Recall that he works for a company that packs back-to-school supply kits.  End of work season = free stuff!  Nothing particularly exciting - antiseptic wipes, facial tissues, paper, paper, paper - but "free" is always good.

I mentioned we got Meego all jumpstarted for the new school year.  Chaco and Wolfgang are getting their ducks in a row too.  Chaco finally got his crap somewhat organized after I've been asking him to do so since June.  

Now to get my own rear in gear...

.

I wore a hideous bonnet

We were cast as lovers in the school's production.  Young lovers.  Planning a future together.

He looked so dashing.  His clean hair just so beneath the bowler hat.  His mustache neatly groomed.  He wore a garter on one of his ample biceps, over his crisp button-down shirt.

Frank.

As the also-rans sang "A Bicycle Built for Two", Frank pedaled onto the stage, me situated behind him.  Our number was a roaring success, the audience completely ate it up.  We were just so believable.

Of course we were.  We were so believable because, off-stage, we were actual lovers.  Well, as much as a couple of first graders could be anyways.

Frank was my first crush.  We even got married later that year during a lovely afternoon recess affair.  Another friend served as Chaplain and also provided the punch - saved from lunchtime for the occasion.   Alas, it turned out our friend wasn't an actual ordained minister, so my marriage to Frank was never official.  It was annulled by the afternoon bell.

But we'll always have that magical bicycle ride - which was actually on a tricycle that I had to stand on the back of - around the stage.

The story of Frank and me isn't very unique.  Many of our first budding "romances" happened shortly after we went out into the big world of elementary school.  Several crushes later, I made it to the halls of higher education where I met Magnum.  The rest is history, and our 23rd anniversary is this week.

I have not, however, remained immune to the assorted celebrity crush.  As someone has said - who was it that said it? - we can't choose whom we fall in love with.

I mention this now for another of Mama Kat's prompts:  5.) First crush.     And since I felt my own first crush was pretty run-of-the-mill, I'm taking the next step.

Magnum is aware of each of my post-marital crushes.  I confess to them on the blog now, knowing that readers will refrain from going all tabloid on me.


In the early '90s, I fell for Marky Mark.  The rapper with the rap sheet to go along, and those baggy jeans.  Of course, it wouldn't work out between us.  I was married to a good responsible man who left his shirt on when outside the house.

When it ended, Marky Mark transformed to the responsible, clothing wearing, no more Boston accent, Mark Wahlberg.

Oh well, we'll always have our underwear pictures.

This may come as a surprise to many, but I later developed a crush on Johnny Depp.  Yeah, I know.  Strange.

We managed to keep things platonic, however.  I do occasionally accompany him to awards shows because he has a hard time finding any other women that want to go with him.







I may have mentioned here before, my cougar crush on Shia Labeouf.  He's obviously too young for me.  Is he even out of his 20's yet??

That's okay.  I still let him buy me coffee sometimes.  Very grownup.






So there they are, my crush confessions.

For those who may be wondering, Frank and I are still friends, in touch through the magic of facebook, where we might wish each other happy birthday or something.

.

Protest

This week, a quickie.  I went to a bridal shower earlier today for my niece - Magnum's sister's daughter.  Came home in time to get an Illustration Friday fix for the prompt "protest".

So I did this pencil sketch of a Guy Fawkes mask, popularized as a symbol of protest in the freedom fighter movie, V for Vendetta.  Didja see it?  The movie?

It was a dark, heavy, but good movie (IMO) based on a graphic novel.

I had fun drawing this smiley face of freedom, but it seemed quite a contrast from my activities earlier in the day that were all bright, flowery, lovey dovey.

I have no protest against bright flowery lovey dovey.
.

take me away!

I'm sitting here in full long underweared glory and not happy about that.  I mean, I appreciate the long underwear serving its purpose, I'm just not happy with my needing its services on April freaking 10th.

Oh well, we typically get days like this in April.  Winter's way of thumbing its nose at us, not willing to just leave quietly.  It started Monday night.  In fact, I was tuting up north a few miles.  Coming home, I was practically able to just put the car in neutral and let the wind blast me all the way to my house.

Then we got a snow/wind day on Tuesday, which was appreciated, but I still came down with fever.  Cabin fever.

Magnum and I have been dreaming and talking about travelling lately.  To someplace sunny and warm and non United States.  Not any time REAL soon, but it's fun to think about and plan.

Remember I've never been anywhere.  Magnum's rich Uncle Sam sent him traveling around the world during his days in the Army.  I've never really been out of the US other than the Canadian side of Niagara Falls and Acuna, Mexico.    But I have been to The Corn Palace.  After that, what is there?

The last time I even flew on an airplane was just a few months before 9/11.  Air travel has changed since then.  And it just so happens that I share the maiden name of a known white supremacist nazi US citizen.

So there's another reason to go someplace warm and casual.  I'll be able to leave the long underwear behind in place of clothing that's easily shed for the TSA...







Earlier this week, the tutoring site asked students where they would like to go for spring break.  They got a lot of responses from tutors as well as students.  Seems like recreational travel is on a lot of people's minds.  I didn't answer because I couldn't narrow it down to just one destination.

I'll take suggestions, though!  In the meantime, I'll settle for a warmer Colorado.
.

moon phases and other 28-day cycles

Rock Chef mentioned that he and Mrs. RC are planning a sort of honeymoon - several years after the fact.  It reminded me that Magnum and I didn't have and "offical" honeymoon either.

We had the wedding ceremony - neither of us particularly of the religious ceremony persuasion.  It was mainly for our moms.  We joke that we'll go down to the Justice of the Peace someday and have that wedding we always dreamed of.

The "honeymoon" consisted of a couple of days spent at my FIL's condo in the mountains before we had to pack up and drive from Colorado to New York where I was to start a new job, and he was to start looking for one.  The condensed version of THAT story is that Magnum had a job out of college, I looked toward getting a job near where his was, I found one that turned out to be farther away than originally assumed.  He left his original job and got another in the same city as mine.

ANYWAY...  there we were, "honeymooning" in a U-Haul.  Around the time of our first anniversary, we were moving from our apartment to our first house.  Second anniversary?  Who knows??  By the third, I was preggo with Chaco, so the honeymoon window was closing.

I've never felt a NEED for a honeymoon.  I often wish we would've gone to New York City (without kids) sometime during the time we lived upstate.  I've still never been there.  Magnum's been, but he's not particularly enamored with big cities.  But hey, we did go to Niagara Falls (the falls are impressive, the city itself is a dive) and other nice points of interest around the state before the kids came along.  It was all honeymoon, right?

Looking up some history of the term "honeymoon", it basically refers to the sweet (honey) times in the early days of marriage that wane within a month (moon)  HA!   Maybe it's good to go without?

Did you have a customary honeymoon?  What/where was it?  If you planned one today, what would it be?
.

heart times

Twenty-five years ago today, Magnum and I had our first date.

Yes, it was Valentine's Day.  No, that wasn't on purpose.  We were both over-worked college students.  Plus, I had a part-time retail job, and he was in the National Guard.  It just so happened that Valentine's Day, after my shift in retail land, was one of the few shared openings in our calendars.

To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot about that date.  We met at a bar and grill that was just a few doors down from the sporting goods store where I worked.  Up until then, I'd mainly just known him from chatting in the couple of classes we had together.  These were the ancient days before social media.

At the time, I was also kind of "seeing" a co-worker from the store, but nothing serious.  Just sometimes a group from work would do some after work socializing, and the two of us ended up as a sort-of-but-not-really couple.  Mark wasn't a college student like most of my co-workers.  He was a rather burley outdoorsy guy.  He worked in the hunting department at the store and did some taxidermy work on the side.  Seemed like a wholesome kind of guy.

As Magnum's interest didn't wane after that first date, I found myself wondering if I should choose one path or the other.  Right about that time, I was talking to another co-worker.  I don't even remember what the conversation was about, but he said, "Yeah, Mark's on a first-name basis with half the girls at Shotgun Willies".

Oh... really?  Shotgun Willies is a titty bar in Denver, commonly referred to by some friends and I as "Silicone Willies"

Now lemme just say that I don't have a problem with titty bars, or titty bar patrons.  That whole "first-name basis" thing, though?  Well, it tipped the scales in Magnum's favor.  He had a hard enough time just talking to me, let alone...

And now LOOK!  Here we are, twenty-four Valentine's Days later.

The elementary school is having Valentine parties today, with my little pedestrian customers each carrying bags of little cards for each classmate.

The history of St. Valentine, I understand, is a bit murky.   The day itself also has origins in the pagan fertility festival "Lupercalia" where:


"many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy"

Uhm, I'm pretty sure the school is just sticking with the little cards and probably some sweets.

.

the saga continues

Back to Lotta Joy's original comment:  "I wish you would give more details of the differences you and your husband adapted to after getting married"

I haven't really answered, I've instead droned on in laying out the whole foundation to my answer(s) from how we met to me starting to notice stuff to the good side of Asperger wifery.  

It's not always such a pretty picture, oh no no.  My Aspie wife friend Maureen, in her book Loving the Tasmanian Devil, notes:

"Having a partner with Asperger Syndrome can feel like a roller-coaster ride for the neurotypical spouse -- riding high one moment on the spouse s charming quirkiness, only soon to spiral downward, exhausted and discouraged -- sometimes by the very same traits, which have suddenly taken new forms of expression."

Remember those things I found so adorable?  Let's revisit:

Magnum's really smart.  Yay.  Really smart people can sometimes be pompous asses.  Boo.  Magnum is not a pompous ass.  He has pompous ass "moments"?  Hardly ever with me, though.

Magnum is very honest.  This is typical of Aspergers.  Since a major trait is an inability to empathize or relate to other people and their experiences, they don't really see any logic in being dishonest.  HOWEVER, there are sometimes things that are better left unsaid.  'nuff said.

Magnum pays attention to every last thorough detail.  Sometimes it takes him forever to finish a task that others will do in half the time or less.  This drives some wives crazy.  I just choose not to watch and be happy that he's doing it and I'm not.

Magnum and I have lots of interests in common, share many of the same opinions and values.  We don't really argue over the typical marital issues of finances, extended family, or child raising.  Still, our personalities are quite a bit different.  He's an introvert, I'm more extroverted.  Before we knew he had Aspergers, I thought his "anxieties" were a combination of being introverted and coming from a somewhat (conditionally loving) dysfunctional family, and that he'd get over them with time.

I'd ask him about it, and he'd say he didn't know, just that it was "always there".   His way of dealing with it is to go into a sort of robotic mode where he just mirrors what he sees other people doing or saying - typical Asperger coping strategy.  To me, it comes across as phony and a bit hypocritical at times.  Additionally, I didn't see any reason for him to put on the "act".  I like him best when he's just being his quirky self.

That's not to say that it's always a struggle.  We've often joked about his cluelessness.  People with Aspergers don't read nonverbal clues well.  They often don't get sarcasm.  Many things have to be explicitly stated.  I just found out a couple of years ago or so, that something I said jokingly before we got married, made him think that I was dumping him.

Now I know, when I see that he's misunderstood me, I restate things.  I've actually told him, "I'm flirting with you now."

One day, it struck me.  I don't know what made the light go on, but I realized that his occasional  anxiousness when dealing with people, myself included, wasn't just an emotional issue.  I told him that I thought it was something "organic".  This was just a few years ago, after several years together and 3 kids.

Soon afterwards, we got the answer.  It came in a roundabout way through a boy named Alec...
.

on a side note

"Wait... what-burgers?"
"Just keep walking..."

I recently heard of a divorce rate statistic of 80%  for Asperger marriages, but am unsure of the source.  Geesh, that's high!  Again, I don't know how accurate that is, but I want to blog a bit about Asperger Syndrome and how Magnum fits in that general scheme of things.







I'm no professional, but from what I've learned about Asperger's, I would say Magnum has medium-to-mild Aspergers as I've seen and heard of others who have more troubles than he does.

There are two types of Aspies.  There are those who are quiet and seem shy and introverted.  Then there are those who are loud and overly talkative who often say things that are socially inappropriate.  Magnum is certainly in the first group, and I don't think his "shyness" comes across as extreme.

There are those with Aspergers who struggle so much to "fit in", and they never really settle into a comfortable job or profession.  On the flip side, there are those who develop careers based on their circumscribed interests.  Magnum's personality and interests combine nicely for an engineer.

So although I noticed early on that he struggled a bit socially, Magnum's struggles don't overwhelm him as they do others with Asperger's.  He's also developed appropriate coping skills, and his differences don't immediately send people to point to the autism spectrum.

While I wouldn't recommend marrying an Aspie man to everyone, let me count the ways of the positives for Mag and me - all of which result from his having Asperger's

• Magnum is very intelligent.  It sometimes surprises me how much he knows about geography, world history, different structures of government, literature...  So much we joke about it sometimes (why would anyone need to know THAT?  Ever??).  Then of course there's the stuff he needs to know as an engineer.  The math, the physics.

• He's a conscientious, focused worker and good at what he does.  He's well liked by his managers and co-workers.  I've never worried about his "marketability" or his lack of work ethic should we decide to just pull up stakes and move to somewhere - something we've actually done.  Twice.

He's (brutally) honest.  His "lying" mainly consists of the coping I mentioned earlier.

• He's got a way with animals.  When we first started dating, we were in college and living in apartments with no pets.  The first time we visited his mom, I noticed the strong bond between Magnum and the family dog.  It actually surprised me, considering his struggles to relate to other people.  The pooches sense it too as I've seen dogs choose him from a group of people as the one to go to for a cuddle.  

• He's a bit of a perfectionist, going back to that conscientious worker thing.  When he sets his mind to do something, he wants it done right and pays attention to all of the details.  And I'm not just talking about paid employment here *wink*wink*nudge*nudge* (that's all I will say about THAT...).

And besides, who's to say that I'm so "normal"?

Add it all up and it looks pretty good.  At least on paper.  Eighty percent?  What for...?
... yeah about that...
.

after day 1

Today's prompt over at NaBloPoMo is:

"When you are speaking with someone, do you prefer to look them in the eye or talk over the phone?"

And so I thought I'd use that as a sort of segue into my continuing Asperger wife sharing.  This prompt suggests that when two people are speaking, but not looking each other in the eye, they aren't in the same place.

One of the first things I noticed about Magnum is that he very rarely looked me in the eye when speaking to me.  I would guess that that is the thing most people first notice about him.  That, and how he speaks rather quietly and monotonely.   I chalked these up to shyness.  I'd always rather liked the quiet types, so this "shyness" was in no way a deal breaker.  After 22 years of marriage, he looks me in the eye a little more, but not a whole lot.

Magnum and I were both non-traditional students - not straight out of high school into a 4-year college program - when we met.  I had taken a couple of years off to work full-time to earn tuition money, Magnum served 4 years in the Army before going back to get his degree.

Yes, we had the same major - mechanical engineering, and we had plenty of other things in common too.  A common trait among Aspies is that they often obsess around certain interests.  For Magnum, one of those interests is politics (a common AS obsession).  Although, he is typically quiet and soft spoken, he can go on and ON expressing his political views.  Although he usually avoids conflict, woe be to whomever should oppose his political views.  I share his views if not the intensity.

We are also both "outdoorsy", enjoying hiking, camping, biking, self-sufficiency, etc.  So things were moving along quite swimmingly.  Although I was noticing some of his "oddities", there was nothing that made me want to turn tail and run.

Relationships I'd had prior to meeting Magnum had been more consuming.  Asperger traits include difficulty socializing and an unawareness of others' feelings.  As a result, people with AS  really need their alone time, and are not very romantic.  For me, that meant that Magnum was not "always up in my business" as previous boyfriends had been.  At the time I met him, I liked that.  I don't always like that (ooooh, forshadowing...), and it's that not-always-up-in-my-business that trashes many an Asperger/NT marriage.

I was also kinda sorta but not really seeing another guy at the same time I met Magnum.  Eventually, Magnum asked if he and I could be "monogamous" - using a rather formal speech pattern, typical of Aspergers.  I decided... okay.

Then came the inevitable meeting of his parents, divorced and both remarried.  I noticed a certain cordiality between his family.  They would greet each other with the, "Hi, how are you" "Good, how are you" types of greetings that usually pass between customers and bank tellers.  I don't do the empty-ritual thing, certainly not with members of my own family.  Later when I asked Magnum about this, he said he knew that his mother often didn't care to know the answers to her questions, but asked them out of routine, and he was fine with that.  Red flag, but I reasoned that his "oddities" were a result of his weird family.

We flew to California to meet his dad.  There was notable tension the whole time.  Additonally, there was clearly articulated tension between Magnum and his stepmother.  By then, I was sure the oddness stemmed from his upbringing and that he'd be fine with me showing him how the other half lived.

Still, we had a good time on our California trip.  I sent my parents, who had yet to meet Magnum, this photo of  "me and the boyfriend".  Poor Mom.








His family was a bit strange, he didn't look me in the eye much, he was a bit too serious a times.  Yet we were crazy compatible, looking forward to graduating. It was all good...

freeze!

For this week's Illustration Friday topic "Freeze", I'm being majorly lazy by just pulling something out of the archives.  I did this drawing of an Inuit woman about two years ago.  

Back-to-School time is a busy time for us tutor types.  Lots of seniors wanting to get their college entrance exams out of the way, hopefully with decent scores.  On the home front, Back-to-School time means that we scramble to fit in last minute summer adventures.  The combination has left me with very little time to play artsy person.  

So.  To the archives.

And speaking of old stuff... Magnum married his wife 22 years ago today! Whoop! Yikes, I wonder what the old lady's like now??

Oh wait...

.

grounds

Magnum forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday.  It was from one of the many members of the extended family.  I started reading and soon came upon

"...Jackomo and I are splitting up."

That got my attention.  Yes, it's sad news that a couple is calling it quits, but the other thing that registered was the "Jackomo" (not the real name btw).  It's a rather large extended family when we include all of Magnum's step siblings and their families.  There are a lot of men with the name Jackomo, I realized.  So which one was splitting up?

I had to dig around a bit in the forwarded message to see who the original sender was... oh, okay. THAT Jackomo.

So it was sad news.  We haven't had much contact with this couple for several years.  They got married around the same time we did and then moved two time zones away.  But I'd always rather liked Mr. and Mrs. Jackomo.  They seemed a good match for each other.

Her e-mail, understandably, didn't go into great detaill over their differences.  Just the usual "... been trying to work things out for a long time..." and "... really tough decision...", etc.

Later in the evening, when we were taking our old folk's walk, Magnum and I talked a little of our disappointment in the split up and about their reasons.

Magnum commented, "Unless somebody's cheating on or abusing the other, it seems they could work it out".

But, what do we know of others' tolerance thresholds?  I didn't want to second guess their situation.  

"Soooo... you won't mind me setting up a meth lab in the basement then?" I smart-assedly replied.

"Okay", he conceded, "maybe it's not just those two things".

Disclaimer:  I do not now or ever plan to set up a meth operation.  I'm also about 97.8% certain that that is not the reason for the divorce of Jackomo.

What counts as "irreconcilable differences" for you?  Your spouse?
.