ripple effect

We're having us a snow day today.  This is good, we haven't had any appreciable snow since that storm in December that nearly left us treeless for Christmas.  And it's nice fluffy, friendly, February snow - unlike the sloppy, heavy, wet snows of April.

So I'm housebound with the kids and everybody's in good spirits because it's a happy day.  It's a snow day.  But Wolfgang is feeling a little troubled.  We had a bit of an incident this mornig that required some comfort on my part, and I don't know if I succeeded.  The incident was my fault to begin with...




He happily turned his radio off and went back to sleep after those two words - "snow" and "day" - were broadcast.  The day had started SO well.  Eventually he got up and took a (too) long, (too) hot shower.  Next, he was in the kitchen to prepare an awesome breakfast.  He put the frying pan on to heat, retrieved the butter, sliced up some fat slabs of bread, and...

"MOM!", must find Mom.

"Doesn't the milk man come on Fridays?", he asked perplexedly

"Actually... *ahem*... the milk man and I broke up a little over a month ago", my confession came at a bad time.  I knew I shouldn't have avoided it for so long.

He was crestfallen.  "Do we have any eggs?"

"We're fresh out and it's... really snowy out, so....", lame lame lame!

*blink*blink*

"But you know, it's not your fault!  We just... grew apart... and... it's really for the best", he's not believing any of this.

*shattered dreams*

"And you know you can still visit him - on Wednesdays and every other weekend at the Farmer's market!", as if that makes a difference!  "You just can't have french toast on this particular morning right now today..."

Did I mention we're low on milk too?

I know that man is behind this whole snowstorm!  I don't know how he does it, but it's just his way.

He really needs to let it go and move on.
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the woodsman

I've stayed home today.  For a man.  With a man.

We've got this tree that we've decided needs to come down.  Earlier in the week, I screened some tree guys, and we decided which one to give the job to.  He's here today. 

Sometimes.

Now, this is a pretty big job involving a pretty big tree.  He's working alone - chainsaws, big limbs, etc...  I figured I'd stick around just in case something goes awry, even though he is "fully bonded and insured".  And that's all well and good, I've got some things that need doing around the house, and my tutoring schedule is free.

He showed up mid-morning and got himself situated amongst the trees.  I peeked out the window and saw him hack a few branches, and things were going well.  A few minutes later, I can still hear the chainsaw, but tree man is nowhere to be seen.  It was, frankly, a little surreal.

So I go outside, and I totally bust him taking out a stump at the neighbors'.  A stump! 

And I'm just, "Dan!" (his name is Dan), "Dan!  I thought that you were MY tree man!"  I'm so hurt, I can't hide my pain. 

He starts stumbling and stuttering a response.  "Ah, Abby, I'm sorry... he asked me to remove this stump for twenty bucks..."

"Twenty bucks?  Twenty BUCKS?!?  That's all it takes for you to totally abandon me like this?", I'm raw emotion now.  He is sheepish defined.

I break down further.  "Okay, Dan.  I know we haven't been together THAT long, but I just really need to know that I can trust you, okay?  I thought we'd bonded pretty well, and I really don't want to have to re-enter the fray and  start fresh, looking for another (tree) man."

He's all about the apologetic mumble.  I continue.

"... And *sniff*  I JUST broke up with the milkman *tears flowing now*  after many years, so I'm just really REALLY VULNERABLE right now!"

"You're right, you're right", he placates, "I.. I.. I'm so sorry"

So I soften a little, "Okay, I'm happy that you are so desired by my neighbors and all, but I just really NEED you to keep it in my yard right now, okay?"

"Yes, yes.  Of course.  I'm sorry".

So he's back on my property again.  Doing what he'd said he would do, when who should show up but Neighbor Flanders!  Now SHE'S got him cornered - literally up against his truck!  That woman has no shame, I swear.

I'm frustrated again.  It's been an hour and a half and there's been hardly ANY action!  Well, for ME anyways!

Eventually, she moves off, and tree man is mine once again. 

Then we enjoy about 2 hours of uninterrupted arborism.  It was nice, but then he needs to go, and I'm fine with that.

The tree still stands.  He says he'll be back in the morning.  For more wood.
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one week in

I went out running this morning.  Let me just clarify that I don't run every day.  I only run a couple of days during the week and usually Saturday mornings.   During the week, I'm up and out before the chickens and typically don't see much more of humanity - other than my ex, the milkman.  Such a player!

But on Saturdays, I'm out when it's a little later and a little brighter.  WHO were all those people this morning?!? 

It's time for the resolution runners.

It started with a guy going up the hill across the street from me, not far from my house.  I heard him before I saw him.  Huffing, puffing, hacking, and spitting.  He didn't look (or sound) like he was having much fun, but he kept at it. 

Next was another guy dressed all in black.  Black wind pants, black hoodie, even black shoes I think.  He was actually moving at a pretty good clip.  On second thought, maybe he had just knocked off the Western Convenience store and was not a resolution runner at all.

There were various others.  Some with dogs.  The dogs seemed both happy and befuddled, wondering what was up.   It wasn't "jam packed" by any means, but considering it was pretty chilly out and relatively early, it was noticably more crowded.  Just like last year.  And the year before that.  And the year before that.  And... well... so on.

So, good for them.  But I hope they don't feel bad if they don't stick with it.  I've known people who started running and eventually it just became, in their words, "drudgery".  I know I've had good days and bad days, but I've never experienced "drudgery".

I think I've mentioned this before that I've run for such a long time not because I'm particularly disciplined.  I just like to do it.  I don't track a bunch of statistics or use a bunch of the latest gadgetry - heart monitors, pedometers, gmaps, etc.  I don't even wear earbuds.  As silly as it sounds, I just like to go out and put one foot in front of the other, quickly and many times.  Some people knit...

I wonder how many will join me next week. 
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mooooving on

Okay, I did it.  I broke it off with the milkman.  So I'm feeling a little sad right now, and feeling a little need to ruminate.  We had some good times, the milkman and I, but in the end it just got kind of cheesy.

I didn't want a public scene, so I took the coward's way out and ended it via e-mail.  I know!  How cold of me!  But I udderly expected him to e-mail me back like he said he would.  And that's why I wasn't sure if he was going to come by to pick up his stuff - what he's given me over the years. 

Despite not hearing from him, I readied his things and placed them in "our spot".  And sure enough, this morning when I checked - his cooler, his empties - all were gone.  Just like that, without a herd... er... word.

It really is for the best.  I was tired of putting up with his bull, and  I think he knew it.   I doubt that my e-mail was that much of a surprise.   And to be honest, the whole time we were together, I never really felt like I was his type.  For some unknown reason, I just think he's a boob man.

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the weaning

I remember how in the beginning I fell for him, how I fell for him hard.  He just came into my life, so unexpectedly, so magically, I was totally swept away.  He offered himself to me, with no strings attached, and I drank that sweet nectar. Before I knew it, I was completely under his spell.  He had me.

But that was years ago.  And over the last few months, the magic seems to be slipping away.  As I step back and examine us, I see that he has gotten more and more demanding as of late.  Where did all this neediness come from?  Was that in his plan the whole time?

Plus, I know he has others.  No, I'm not the only one.  I've seen him.  Early in the morning, when it's dark, I'm out there and I've seen him with these others.  But then, we never promised any exclusiveness between us.  He certainly knows that I'm with someone else when he's not around.  The same someone I've been with since before he came into my life. 

Maybe that was all part of the initial allure - the fact that he would be something special on the side, pure luxury.  But at what point does luxury become just another burden? 

Lately, I've been thinking of breaking it off with him.  I just haven't been able to bring myself to actually do it, especially now with it being the holidays and all.  Would that be insensitive of me? 

And, well, what about me?  Is this really what I want?  Having him does induce more obvious demands, but I have to admit that this relationship has not been without its pleasures.  Has he spoiled me with his pleasures?

No, no.  I really think it's time to call this quits.  I mean, six bucks for a gallon of milk?  Plus the monthly service charge on top of that? 

Have I been played by the milkman?
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how will I tell the milkman?

Okay, so we know how I got that world's bravest crossing guard job a little over a month ago. A little background:

This particular school crossing is a notoriously dangerous one in our area. It's 5 to 6 lanes of popular east/west commuter route. A reduced speed zone of about 350 feet is in place during the morning and afternoon school commute times.

But still, they speed.

Despite the fluourscent green signs, despite the white stuff painted on the roads, despite the flashing lights... they speed. I didn't realize how bad it was until I became world's bravest crossing guard.

And it's not just the pedestrian kids to worry about. Naturally, there is noticable increased motor traffic during before and after school. Many left turns a-happening into and out of the street leading to the school. In my short time there, I have witnessed many near misses and am actually surprised to have not yet had an actual incident.

The school safety committee has squeaked the police department's wheel plenty of times to give a little help. They are certainly sympathetic, but with budget cuts and such, they can only do so much. And frankly, I'd just as soon they put murderers, rapists and child molesters as a higher priority anyway.

That said, they do occassionally drive by my post a couple of times during duty. This helps a bit, but this afternoon... Oh THIS AFTERNOON, a couple of totally hawt motorcycle cops came over and set up shop at the side street just across the street from me. Yeah, you know 'em. Black shiny helmets, black cool motorcycle cop jackets, shiny white Harley's... oh baby.

Within 3 minutes, they'd each nabbed a criminal.

As if that wasn't sweet enough, one was an SUV, the other, ... omg omg... a minivan. MINIVAN!

And I am suddenly maddeningly overflowingly bursting with love.
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frosty silence

I went out back this morning to clean up the dog run and thought I'd take a picture before it was all gone.

No, not the dog poo....

It was all purdy frosty this morning. The trees and fences and everything were covered with this frosty natural flocking. Here in Colorado, while we do get snow, our humidity is actually usually on the low side, so we don't get many frosty mornings like today's.

My photo doesn't really do it justice, but it's all I've got.

In other news, Meego's not speaking to me. Meego's not speaking to anyone. Laryngitis has claimed his voice. Remember being 10 years old? Remember how much you probably liked to talk? He's rather bummed, so we (pretend to) feel badly for him.

In other other news, all of my gift packages have arrived, so Christmas is a go. And.... LOWERS VOICE TO A MERE WHISPER.... I got this little missive from the milk man!:

Can you believe? How Risque! How BRAZEN! It was just sitting in the cooler right there on the front stoop! What if Magnum or one of the kids would've gotten to it before I did!?

Well, alls well that ends well, anyway. Clearly, he can't stop thinking about me.
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and the clouds parted...

*GASP!* Pardon me, just coming up for air here. Sheesh, after two days of thinking that we'd somehow been beamed to Antarctica, the sun has decided to return and it actually feels downright balmy at 40 degrees.

Yeah, okay, so it snowed in Colorado. Not big news. It just doesn't usually leave us stranded for two days in October. I remember the last time that happened. It was a banner year for snow and kind of a love / hate relationship for school kids. Yes, they got a bunch of snowdays, but then they had to make them up at the end of the school year. HA!

But it did force me to get a few things done around the house that I might not otherwise have done. For one thing, I changed the wallpaper on the computer to this:


It's the view from a girl jumping off of a very tall building onto a crane, I believe. As I've mentioned here before, I rationally know that I have an irrational paralyzing fear of heights, so I thought putting this as my wallpaper would help me to "GET OVER IT ALREADY!"

It's not working. Just sayin'.

But hey, told you I was getting some important things done anyways.

And then this morning, when I ventured out into the thawing outdoors, I noticed these prints on the front porch, dangerously close to the front door, dangerously close:



I've included my own foot there for scale. Any trackers out there who know what these prints belong to? I'm thinking too big for squirrel. Raccoon maybe? Did I mention that they were dangerously close? Dangerously close to my milkman bounty??
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polar regions

The wind found and bit into all areas of exposed skin. Each forward step was a monumental task. The tracks we made in the snow were soon erased by more blowing snow, making finding our way back a gamble. My companion and I made short conversation at first, but soon just settled into non verbal plods so as to focus all our energies on making it to shelter.

It was like The Worst Journey in the World. Well, except it was just a journey of about a block and half, round trip. And we had heated houses. And dry clothing. And warm food, other than pemmican. And civilization. And I didn't get any emperor penguin eggs. But other than that, it was JUST like that journey.

You know all that harping I was doing about our mild winter and me running around in knickers and short sleeves and such? Well, we finally got a decent blizzard. 'bout time.

So I went out in it twice to go with Wolfgang on his trek to the dog sitting house, then again to accompany Meego to the garbage sitting house. Other than that, we stayed home all day, a bit cabin feverish.

But looking back, I'd say it was a pretty productive day. Magnum and I were going to go see a movie in the afternoon, but didn't. Instead, I managed to complete the assembly of all 375 Run With Lumber envelopes (that's 1500 staples in Lumber years), bake two loaves of pumpkin bread, clean a bunch of wooden stuff, chew everyone out for putting too much importance on video games, and trounce Magnum at a game of Scrabble. All that on top of my polar jouneys.

And I went out in the wee hours of this morning, looking for treasures. They were there. My milk and eggs were there like always. Nothing stops my milkman.

God, I love that man.
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symbols of love and fertility

I'm feeling good this morning. My roller coaster relationship with the milk man is on track today. Recall last week, we were having some communication issues and this consumed me for most of this week. Codependency is rough.

But after putting some serious work into this - mainly my inability to express myself and my needs in a way that he can clearly understand - we've made noticeable progress. I'm happy to say that the cheese was plainly absent from the cooler and had been replaced by lovable cuddly eggs, sitting right there alongside the unwavering milk.

As proof of his devotion, my Mr. Mm (that's just my pet name for him. Say it. "Mm") also left me this lusty missive:

Happy Holidays

from our family to yours!

_________ Your home delivery driver

*shivers with delight* He penned his name with his very own hand on the blank line. OMG! I would have reproduced it here on the blog, but it also happened to include a *ahem* photo.

It's his TRUCK!!

OH, what the heck! Here ladies, take a gander:

Be still, my heart
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