Friday, January 20, 2012

the woodsman

I've stayed home today.  For a man.  With a man.

We've got this tree that we've decided needs to come down.  Earlier in the week, I screened some tree guys, and we decided which one to give the job to.  He's here today. 


Now, this is a pretty big job involving a pretty big tree.  He's working alone - chainsaws, big limbs, etc...  I figured I'd stick around just in case something goes awry, even though he is "fully bonded and insured".  And that's all well and good, I've got some things that need doing around the house, and my tutoring schedule is free.

He showed up mid-morning and got himself situated amongst the trees.  I peeked out the window and saw him hack a few branches, and things were going well.  A few minutes later, I can still hear the chainsaw, but tree man is nowhere to be seen.  It was, frankly, a little surreal.

So I go outside, and I totally bust him taking out a stump at the neighbors'.  A stump! 

And I'm just, "Dan!" (his name is Dan), "Dan!  I thought that you were MY tree man!"  I'm so hurt, I can't hide my pain. 

He starts stumbling and stuttering a response.  "Ah, Abby, I'm sorry... he asked me to remove this stump for twenty bucks..."

"Twenty bucks?  Twenty BUCKS?!?  That's all it takes for you to totally abandon me like this?", I'm raw emotion now.  He is sheepish defined.

I break down further.  "Okay, Dan.  I know we haven't been together THAT long, but I just really need to know that I can trust you, okay?  I thought we'd bonded pretty well, and I really don't want to have to re-enter the fray and  start fresh, looking for another (tree) man."

He's all about the apologetic mumble.  I continue.

"... And *sniff*  I JUST broke up with the milkman *tears flowing now*  after many years, so I'm just really REALLY VULNERABLE right now!"

"You're right, you're right", he placates, "I.. I.. I'm so sorry"

So I soften a little, "Okay, I'm happy that you are so desired by my neighbors and all, but I just really NEED you to keep it in my yard right now, okay?"

"Yes, yes.  Of course.  I'm sorry".

So he's back on my property again.  Doing what he'd said he would do, when who should show up but Neighbor Flanders!  Now SHE'S got him cornered - literally up against his truck!  That woman has no shame, I swear.

I'm frustrated again.  It's been an hour and a half and there's been hardly ANY action!  Well, for ME anyways!

Eventually, she moves off, and tree man is mine once again. 

Then we enjoy about 2 hours of uninterrupted arborism.  It was nice, but then he needs to go, and I'm fine with that.

The tree still stands.  He says he'll be back in the morning.  For more wood.


  1. First the milk man. Now the tree man. You better be careful. The neighbors are gonna start talking.

    But seriously. What is with people? You've hired someone to do a job for you and they try to lure him away from you? Can they not do their own tree man research and hiring???

  2. Perhaps if you make your tree attractive enough, he won't let his eyes wander to your neighbor's stump. A few pieces of bark removed and a few well placed leaves should do the trick. Good luck!

  3. Wow. The women in your neighborhood sure are, um, "permissive".

    (psst. what's your address again?)

  4. Ahhh, Tree envy. I've seen it break up many long standing relationships. You need to draw the line with Dan. Either he tends to your branches first or you'll find someone else to chop your lumber.