what a poser

For a while, several years ago, I went to weekly yoga classes.  Chaco and Wolfgang were just little things, and Meego was still a future thing.  I ran a small daycare out of my house, and a friend of mine who had one small child and anxiety suggested we try some yoga.

Okay, why not!?  Sounded fun and different.

I remember the first class, it was an introductory class for total newbies.  Our instructor went around the room and asked us to share our reasons for being there.  There were the typical responses:  to improve flexibility, to improve balance, to calm the nerves...  I remember one guy's honest answer, "my wife made me".

My answer was equally honest, "I just want to get outta the house."

We continued going for several months.  I was pretty terrible at it - flexibility has never been a strong point of mine - but nonetheless, I enjoyed it and it got me out of the house for one or two evenings a week.

In the years since, I've dusted off the yoga mat a handful of times and flailed about on my own.  Feeling like I needed something new, I got the mat out this week and have been doing some youtube yoga.  Or rather, I've flopped and strained and collapsed while a serene person on my TV gracefully bends and extends - all the while, breathing deeply and speaking calmly.

How do they DO it!  I can barely breathe through most of it, let alone deeply.  Speaking coherently, let alone calmly, is out of the question.  I know I'm doing all kinds of wrong, but in the words of one yogi, "just be where you're at".

The other night, I pulled up a 15-minute "beginner vinyasa flow for detox", and thought it sounded like a good thing to do.  I went through the typical struggles and limitations and failings, but survived the 15 minutes, then drank a big glass of water as instructed since "this acts to wring you out like a sponge".

That night I had the weirdest dreams - nightmarish exorcism type stuff!  I was in the role of the possessed one, and was in some sort of hellish holding area, and the exorcist was coming for me.

I woke up all, WTH??

Later that day, the microwave began weirdly malfunctioning.  Then my watch died.

So, benefits of yoga?  A freed mind. And new appliances and electronics...

... unfortunately, not free.

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