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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

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Magnum forwarded an e-mail to me yesterday.  It was from one of the many members of the extended family.  I started reading and soon came upon

"...Jackomo and I are splitting up."

That got my attention.  Yes, it's sad news that a couple is calling it quits, but the other thing that registered was the "Jackomo" (not the real name btw).  It's a rather large extended family when we include all of Magnum's step siblings and their families.  There are a lot of men with the name Jackomo, I realized.  So which one was splitting up?

I had to dig around a bit in the forwarded message to see who the original sender was... oh, okay. THAT Jackomo.

So it was sad news.  We haven't had much contact with this couple for several years.  They got married around the same time we did and then moved two time zones away.  But I'd always rather liked Mr. and Mrs. Jackomo.  They seemed a good match for each other.

Her e-mail, understandably, didn't go into great detaill over their differences.  Just the usual "... been trying to work things out for a long time..." and "... really tough decision...", etc.

Later in the evening, when we were taking our old folk's walk, Magnum and I talked a little of our disappointment in the split up and about their reasons.

Magnum commented, "Unless somebody's cheating on or abusing the other, it seems they could work it out".

But, what do we know of others' tolerance thresholds?  I didn't want to second guess their situation.  

"Soooo... you won't mind me setting up a meth lab in the basement then?" I smart-assedly replied.

"Okay", he conceded, "maybe it's not just those two things".

Disclaimer:  I do not now or ever plan to set up a meth operation.  I'm also about 97.8% certain that that is not the reason for the divorce of Jackomo.

What counts as "irreconcilable differences" for you?  Your spouse?
.

14 comments:

  1. There's quite a few "death blows" that are irreconcilable differences. The main thing to make sure of prior to divorce is: Did you honestly do EVERYTHING you could to make it work. Get your education up to snuff so you don't NEED another man. Get out before you start to shrivel up.

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    1. I recently read a book by a woman who was hell bent on divorce. A friend asked her what all she'd done to make it work, and she realized she'd done nothing. The book has a happy ending :)

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  2. p.s. NEVER have kids to help a bad marriage. You'll travel faster if there's only one of you.

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    1. I've yet to hear of any save-the-marriage babies that actually worked.

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  3. Hmmm, for me, I would have to say physical abuse or mental abuse or total lack of respect. 'Course, you would hope one would figure that out BEFORE getting married, but sometimes those characteristics don't rear their heads until it's too late.
    I feel very fortunate to have found someone who is willing to work at keeping our marriage together. There have been some rocky times, for sure, but we're both in this for the long run, and we're willing to do whatever it takes to work things out.
    I definitely don't judge others for divorcing, but for my husband and me, we're committed to making it work. Yay for me! :)

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    1. Yay you!!

      We hear stories of people (usually the women) who think their spouse will change AFTER the wedding. Yeah, good luck with that...

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  4. That is a hard one. The threshold is different for different people. I have known people who split up over seemly trivial issues and others who have stuck it out until the bitter end. Like SR, I think I draw the line at abuse, physical or mental. I have zero (no make that negative number) number for anyone who abuses their spouses (male or female) and that goes quadruple for kids (side note: I have very little respect for anyone who would abuse animals as well). We've all had "challenges" in our marriages. I think for someone to say you haven't is either in denial or lying. FWIW THAT's what marriage is about, working through issues, finding common ground, making compromises. That is what makes a relationship last.

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    1. Magnum used to freak out when we'd have a disagreement. His parents are divorced, and I guess he figured any disagreement was bad. But yes, there's got to be "challenges" or someone's lying!

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  5. Lousy coffee -- grounds for divorce.

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  6. All sorts of things can accumulate to break the threshold. Probably one of the most common is that things just aren't as good as they could be and one or other person just loses the drive to keep trying to make things work.

    Cheating and abuse are obvious deal breakers. Another one is being irresponsible with money - wasting money (spending on unnecessary things, drinking, gambling, etc) that is desperately needed for serious things can break the strongest relationship.

    On the other hand, one marriage that I know of ended with the following words:

    "It's me or the dogs!"

    "I'll help you pack."

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    1. Wow, true story? That's actually kinda funny.

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  7. Besides the obvious things like cheating, abuse, money, etc. I'd have to say a lack of passion could do it. I don't just mean, you know, the obvious kind of passion. I mean if you don't enjoy one another's company and don't share friends and interests and you're just passing time in the same space... well, that's a pretty miserable way to spend the rest of your life.

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    1. Agreed! Quality of life - it matters!

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