wait, did that really just happen?

Okay, folks.  Labor Day has come and gone, summer is unofficially over, playtime is over, time to get serious!  That's the attitude I had as soon as I awoke this morning.

Okay, not really.  It was more like, "uhm... Tuesday?"

But eventually I got going, and it looked to be a glorious day.  I headed out for a lovely run in the early morning hours.  The air felt crisp and clean.  I felt well rested from the long weekend.  My shoo-gooed shoes were ready and willing.

And it was a very nice morning until... this thing.  This weird thing.  This thing what happened.

It was toward the end of my route, and I was approaching a woman and her two little dogs from behind.  They were standing at a corner, and I intended to turn on that corner.  I slowed to a walk since I figured they didn't know I was coming up behind them. I didn't want to startle anyone as I went passed, so I slowed to let them know I was there.

Clearly, that failed.

One little ragamuffin dog saw me before the human did and started to freak out.  This prompted the woman to reactively freak out and begin reigning in ragamuffin number one, who was on a surprisingly long retractable leash.

While all that was going on, ragamuffin dog number two reactively freaked out and came around from a different angle on a similarly surprisingly long retractable leash.  This all happened in about 2.76 seconds.

While the woman was distracted by ragamuffin number 1, ragamuffin number 2 took full advantage and came straight for my jugular!

Luckily, he was just a ragamuffin, so he only got this far:

It all happened so fast.  When RM2 came at me, I just bent down to say hello, let him smell my hand, all that jazz.  But he went right for the kill!  

I felt the sting on my thigh, and at first, thought he'd just scratched me with his claws.  The woman was apologizing profusely, and I, all strung out on endorphins, couldn't feel upset with her.  I assured her it was all fine, and I continued on my merry jaunt.

A few paces onward, I decided to look at my thigh, which so happened to be oozing a nice stream of blood.  I wiped at it with my hand, only to have the oozing stream replaced anew.  

I turned back to the woman and calmly (she was still kinda freaked) asked if her dogs were up-to-date on their rabies shots since one of them bit me and caused me to ooze.  She assured me they were.

That was it, I don't know if I should've interacted with her anymore.  I was about a mile from home, so I just ran on home to stop the ooze and get cleaned up. 

Moral of the story?

Don't trust those little ones.

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the troupe retires

They'd grown up in the same town but never knew each other as children.  Fate threw them together, however.  Their's was a world where they had no choice of professions.  They were destined from birth, by the powers that be, to be entertainers.

Lumpy:  Well, we had us a good run, and I just want to tell you guys how much I love yas.

Jack:  Aw, thanks Lump.  It's been a real pleasure working with you too.

Betty:  Stop it you guys, you're gonna make me cry!

Darth Vadar:  Hey now, don't go getting all mooshy!

Lumpy:  We can't help it Darthy, it's the end of our time.

Betty:  It's okay.  I wouldn't change any of it.

Jack:  Another round? Let's order another round!

Darth Vadar:  Should we tell Jack that his head's not right anymore?

Lumpy:  Naw, he's happy.  That's all that matters.

Betty:  Oh Lumpy, you old softie.

Lumpy:  Huh, well there was a time you didn't like me so soft...

Betty:  *BLUSH*

Darth Vadar:  Hey, enough you two.  I wanna propose a toast to the great run we had.

Jack:  Here!  Here!

Lumpy:  Betty, you lit up the stage!

Betty:  Aw, that's sweet.  But we ALL lit up the stage!

Darth Vadar:  Hell, we was on FIRE!

Jack:  FIRE!

Betty:  I still remember that day we first arrived.  I didn't know any of you yet, and my children were taken from me.  I was so sad.  But it all turned out so beautiful, didn't it?

Darth Vadar:  Yeah, Betty.  Of course.  We had no choice, but we were lucky.  There were others didn't do so good.  My brother...

Lumpy:  Yeah, we were lucky.  And I'll never forget that first day either.  I first laid eyes on my Betty, so ripe and juicy!

Betty:  *BLUSH*

Jack:  My kids were taken too.  Just scooped right up.  I like to think that they're happy.

*****SILENCE******

Darth Vadar:  Well, winter's coming.

Lumpy:  Yeah, time for us to go.  It's hard for me to think of moving on, though.  Either way, at least I know I'll leave a mark.

Betty:  Aw, Lumpy.  I don't want to think about moving on.  I just want to remember the good times.  I'm gonna miss all of you so much *SOB!*

Jack:  *SOB!*

Darth Vadar:  Here's to us.  I'll see you all on the other side.

Lumpy:  Not if we see you first, you big lug!

Jack:  'night 'night

Betty:  *whimper*

L to R:  Betty, Jack, Lumpy, Darth Vadar

-------------------------------------------- Curtain Close---------------------------------------------

P.S.  We ate the children.  Don't tell the troupe.
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free!

I have a separate e-mail address for this blog.  As such, the spam filter gets quite a workout, but other than that, I honestly don't get a lot of incoming mail from it.

Today, I got an e-mail that perked me up a bit [comments in bold mine]:


Hi there - I'm emailing you to find out [zzzzZZZZZzzzz] if you'd be interested in reviewing one of our new silicone female toys [Wait.... what???] from Ladygasm.com  [Ladygasm?  Seriously, that's the name??] on your blog. My idea is this: I can send you a free Ladygasm Cici or comparable toy (you can Google it) [ you bet I did], and in exchange, you'd just write a review giving your honest thoughts about the toy, and of course somewhere in the article, link to our website or Amazon listings of the toys. [Of course!]

If this project goes smoothly [*snicker*], there are probably other ways we could work together as well [Mmmm...Hmmmm]. My goal is to let people know about our new brand while providing you with the opportunity to write interesting content for your site. Also, I could give you a personalized discount code to leave in the review (if you like the toy), so that your readers could enjoy the same toy and also save money.

So, just email me back and we can get started. I'm happy to answer any questions you have.

Thanks!

-------------------------------
Uhm... well.   So....

Naturally, my first inclination was to send it straight to the delete pile.  When I googled it, I was referenced to a ton of video reviews that have been relatively recently uploaded, so it looks like this happy e-mailer has been busy "reaching out".  I gotta say, it's probably not a bad marketing ploy.  The country's had some rough economic times.  People don't go out as much...

I mean, it's free... I'm sure I could handle a "review".  And actually, Magnum and my anniversary is coming up shortly.  Year 22.


Is that the year for silicone?
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