All in all, this was not a surprise. And given his rough Sunday night, we all figured this could be "It". It's somewhat comforting to know that this is what he's actually wanted for a while. He wasn't sad or depressed, he was just ready for the next phase.
So while a large part of me is very sad, another part of me is relieved and thinking, "wow, he did it".
We got close to two feet of snow beginning Sunday evening. Most everything has been shut down for two days, and Meego has yet a third snow day today. I was hoping Dad would still be around, and I would go down to see him on Friday as the weather forecast looked good.
I'm just so happy to have my many memories of him. Our conversations, especially in this past year, have been special. Before my mom passed, when I called, he would talk with me for a bit and then, "Here, let me give the phone to your mother".
He was a deep thinker, enjoyed long walks, and loved good conversation. He had no patience for small talk. As a running joke, I would sometimes greet him with, "How are you?(don't wait for an answer) How 'bout those Broncos!?"
A friend of mine yesterday said that grief is not something we go through and then come out the other side like we were before. It's something we absorb and it becomes part of us forever.
That's what I'm doing. I'm absorbing. And looking forward to going on walks again with Dad.
20 comments:
This is true, you never "get over" a true loss, it does change you. Yep, go on long walks and talk about "those Broncos" in his memory.
Thanks, RC. I know you speak from sad experience.
I am so sorry for your loss. Even when we know these events are coming, we are never really prepared. Grief changes us all. I hope you are able to enjoy those long walks with him and debate on how well the Broncos are doing this year.
Thanks, Agg. You're right, we can never fully prepare. You've had your fair share of grief recently, and it does change us - as it should.
My heart dropped when I, read this. I'm so sorry Abby. It is some consolation to know he was ready, and that he's with your mom again, but it's still difficult. My FIL and MIL passed away within months of each other, and suddenly we were left all alone, with no anchor. The feeling that leaves is difficult to explain.
It helps to have plenty of great memories, and to have had some great conversations with him these last few months. And it seemed like he lived his last days in a place that took good care of him. Can't hardly ask for more.
Thinking of you and sending big hugs your way.
I'm so so sorry. I lost my dad 16 years ago and miss him every day. It's so true what you said that you absorb the grief and it's a part of you. It just has to work its way through you. I hope the memories are a comfort and my thoughts are with you and your family.
Thanks, ShadowRun. It does help to know it's what he's wanted for a while, and that his mind stayed sharp until the end. Still... it's Dad. You're right - no anchor.
Thanks, Lori. Losing a loved one is always hard, but losing a parent is its own category.
A deep thinker who loved good conversation--sounds like someone I'd like to have met.
Abby, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your dad. I completely understand the idea of absorbing ... knowing this is what he wanted, and that he's in a better place, and with your mom again! And still, the sadness, guilt, what-ifs and grief are all there too. You're in my prayers.
Nice to see you, Scott. Yes, I think you two would have enjoyed each other.
Thanks, Tee. I know you're currently doing lots of absorbing too. The good, the bad - it's what weaves a life.
I'm so sorry, Abby. This was a lovely tribute to your dad.
I'm sorry Abby. Clearly he is very loved. You look a lot like him.
Thanks, Marcy.
Thank you, Ginny
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. It's so hard to lose people we love. Even when you can see it coming, you're never really ready.
Oh no, I'm so sorry I just read this post. As you know I lost my Dad last May, and I'm still having a hard time accepting he's gone. I'm so sorry you've lot your Dad too, but I'm glad he was looking forward to a new life ahead. We have to hold on to that thought don't we?
Perfectly "Abby"
Your Dad was surely proud of you; and would be proud to hear the words and know the thoughts written in this post.
I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. I know it's super hard to lose those that we love so much.
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