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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

sport

I was prepared.  Mentally.  Physically.  Spiritually.

I had checked my equipment the night before and made sure to get a good night's sleep.  I arose early in the morning to quietly center myself and then listen to some inspiring, motivating music.  As I made my way to the starting line, the crowd steadily increased.  The competition.

I silently observed.  Most didn't look so tough.  Some, I knew I could take them.  There were others, though, that I could tell were seasoned veterans.  They could give me some troubles.  I would have to work for this.

But then I reminded myself that I was no rookie either.  I'd done this battle before.  To the point that it's become rather mundane, and I don't really look forward to it anymore.  I swat those thoughts down, however, and remind myself to be grateful for the opportunity.  There are plenty who only wish they could be in my place.

With that, I loosen my neck and shoulders, take a few deep cleansing breaths and step up to the line.

Next I know, I'm in the thick of it.  Bodies on all sides of me, some impeding my progress and some falling in my wake.  And the children!  Little children!  I'd forgotten how many show up for this.  Do they enjoy it?  Or are they forced to be there?

I can't let them distract me, though.  Yes, I would be more courteous than I'd planned.  More accomodating to the little ones.  Still, my mission was the same.  Win the prizes!

I reach the halfway point and things are going well enough.  Most of the pack is lagging behind me by then, they've not prepared like I have.  Keep moving forward, just Keep.  Moving.  Forward!  But the elites are  in front and likely to remain.  I'm still picking off a few opponents, though.  Adults and children alike.

Once in the homestretch, I feel a surge of confidence.  My confidence is shaken, though.  An elderly woman!  NO, not that!  I sidestep and let the elderly woman go on ahead of me.  Once she's clear, I need to settle myself and get my rhythm back.  Near disaster is averted as I manage to make up lost ground.

And then, finally, the finish is in sight.  I can just cruise on through.  Yes, others are already there before me and victorious, but in the end, we're all winners!

Yeah, got me a nice looking turkey and a few fixings.  Was totally beat down on the yams though, so I'll need to work on my yam strategy for next year. I think I've still got a yam chance, though, but I'm not in any rush to go back to the grocery store just yet.  I need at least one day to recover.

And I noticed, sadly, not a Twinkie in sight.  Rest In Peace.
.

17 comments:

Rock Chef said...

Sounds like a Saturday shop in my town! Our main fear is the woman in the powered wheelchair...

I was rather horrified to hear about the end of Twinkies! They are legendary - my wife reads lots of books about post apocolypse worlds, and lots of them feature Twinkies as a food that just does not perish. The movie Zombieland also featured them! I was hoping to get some on my trip, but alas...

Abby said...

There may still be black market Twinkies available for the right price. We threw a Twinkie in a campfire once. It didn't burn. For all I know, it's still there!

Scott said...

That's hilarious! But I thought you were talking about shopping for the last Twinkies! Glad you got your Thanksgiving dinner together. And as for the Twinkies, try Zingers (Dolly Madison's eqivalent)--I've always preferred them, because they have icing!

ShadowRun300 said...

I've been stock piling recipes for home-made Twinkies... now I know why. Perhaps it's my destiny to be the next hostess.
Congrats on making it through your shopping excursion almost victorious. You gave it a good run, that's for sure. I have no doubt you'll conquer the yams the next time!

terri said...

There are two times you should avoid the grocery store at all costs - 1) Sunday mornings, due to the after-church crowd and 2) in any of the days before Thanksgiving.

Glad you made it out safely. It's a jungle in there.

Guano said...

5K? Pre-Black Friday shopping? Crossing guard competition?

Turkey shopping! Shoulda seen that one coming! (Didja get the can-shaped cranberry sauce?)

Junky's Running Dry said...

Love the post! I went to my grocery store last night too around 8pm. It was total chaos. Walking down the baking aisle was like a post apocalyptic struggle for all humanity. The liquor store was about the same level!

Duble said...

Zingers are to Twinkies as a Chrysler is to a BMW.

Rock Chef said...

I hear that people are going to be offering them in eBay!

Black market, eh? Maybe crack houses will be switching over to Twinkies? Ex employees will be cooking up fake ones in their cellars...

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh my word! This is truly hilarious! What a fun post, Abby!

Abby said...

I avoid the grocery store on weekends, but sometimes I have to do it. For that, I go Sunday mornings while most churches are in service. We call it "shopping with the infidels".

Abby said...

I get the whole berry sauce. The can-shape screams "From the grocery store", not that I'm fooling anyone.

Abby said...

Do you even have access to all the chemicals to make truly homemade twinkies?!

Abby said...

My kids like Dolly's swiss rolls. They're not getting BMW's

Abby said...

Maybe hit the liquor store first?

Abby said...

I dunno, I'm about to head back into the fray for those stupid yams...

ShadowRun300 said...

Sadly, no. My twinkies would not make it through a nuclear holocaust. Heck, with MY family, they wouldn't survive the cooling process.