Monday, August 13, 2012

help wanted

I was chatting with the elementary school principal a couple of days ago.  She's been busy lately, rearranging teacher assignments and filling some last minute openings.   One opening has sat all summer - the north side crossing guard.

I provide this highly detailed map to illustrate the Grand Scheme of all things  crosswalk-to-school.

See big Jon over there on the far left?  That would be north.  Big Jon has relinquished his esteemed postion at that crossing while remaining a playground monitor.  Apparently, he's got a life outside the crosswalk.

No one is jumping at the chance for some reason.

Granted, Jon is a big guy, so those are some big shoes to fill (literally), but what's not to like?

I checked the postion posting.  It reads:

Classified posting for Crossing Guard.  Requirements:

  • High school diploma/GED equivalent.
  • Flexible.
  • Safety conscious.
  • Team Player.
  • Willing to work in all kinds of weather.

That's it??  

What about the perks?  The friendly faces in the morning.  The excited-to-go-homes  in the afternoon.  Okay, it's really about POWER.

Well, maybe she's had plenty of applicants and none of them has measured up.  I recall my own interview for the position.  It was pretty intense.

Asst. Principal:  Hey Abby, we need a crossing guard on crazy driver blvd.  You wanna do it?
Me:  Uh... yeah.  Okay.
Asst. Principal:  Good.  Come to the school for an interview tomorrow.


Me:  I'm here for my interview
Asst. Principal:  Okay, but it's not really an interview.  It's more of a "Welcome aboard!"

So yeah, there's lots of pressure.  This may take all year.


  1. I can't believe no one is clamoring for that position! Seems like a nice gig to me. Little kids are fun and with such a position, you get to spend just enough time to enjoy them but not so much as to get sick of them when they push start pushing the limits as little kids tend to do.

    1. I just found out this afternoon that the position is filled. She's a woman who has another part-time job at the school. Another girl - she, June and I will be just like Charlie's Angels now!

  2. Wait. He gave up crossing guard but kept playground duty? I loathed playground duty as a teacher. But maybe that's because I had to use my break time to listen to tattle tales, tie shoes, break up fights, dry tears, listen to more tattles...
    I'd think the crossing guard duty would have far more perks... just like you mentioned.
    Sounds like it was filled just in time!

    1. I know! I've done my share of playground duty (I think it falls under "Team Player"), Oy.

  3. Charlie's Angels sounds so much more glamorous than The Lollipop Ladies. Do you get called Lollipop Ladies over there?

    1. I have heard vague references to "Lollipop Ladies" but have no idea what that's about. Please enlighten! But I'm still pretty sure I'd rather be a Charlie's Angel.

  4. Sorry--I'm not a team player, and I'm not willing to work in all kinds of weather!

    1. Other than that stuff, you're perfect for the job!

  5. I'm not a team player either. And I'm not sure my clothes and bling would go down well, and they'd get soggy in the rain. I'm not sure it's the right job for me really. :D

  6. So, you got the new spot? Congrats! Nice job interview. I bet it will be a bit different that the race track you've been manning for the past few years. What about your motorcycle cop buddies? Won't they miss your smiling face and fashionable vest every morning?

    1. Oh no, that was my blast-from-the-past interview. The north end was offered to me, but I've still got the racetrack. That's just how I roll (plus it's lots closer to my house).

  7. So thaaat's how you got the job!

    What's the unemployement stats in your city/state? Let's see how long it'll take to get the position filled. I hope it'll be another "team player." :)