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Monday, January 30, 2012

reality check

It was an unseasonably warm afternoon last Wednesday.  Kids were just getting out of school.  People were out and about, running errands, going to or from work, etc.  I was doing the crossing guard thing.

 I had two girls ready to cross the street and found a moment when the traffic wasn't too jammed up to do just that.  The light changed, the traffic stopped, the walk sign began to flash and buzz. 

The SUV came barrelling through.

I saw her coming, and so did the girls.  I knew she wasn't going to stop.  Despite the flashing school zone lights.  Despite the flourescent signs.  Despite the stopped cars.  Despite the other drivers honking at her.  Despite me and the kids.  She drove on through at about 45 miles per hour.

I was standing near the edge of the road, and she was in the lane closest to me.  If I wanted to, I could have reached out my stop sign and scratched that SUV up good, but I didn't.  Not in real life anyway. 

I watched her face as she drove by.  She actually looked a little startled, probably from the other cars honking at her.  Maybe it was just dawning on her that something was different. 

And it stayed with me.  For hours afterward.

There are speeders every day.  There are the occassional red light runners.  Oddly, this was the first time they were ever in combination.  It's like some drivers can only concentrate on one rule at a time.

"Okay, I can reduce my speed, but I can't pay attention to the traffic light at the same time" or vice versa.

So yeah, the barrelling SUV bothered me - not in a scared-the-bejezuss-outta-me way, but in a how-can-she-have-been-so-effing-clueless way.  It bothered me so much, I vented a bit on my facebook when I got home.  I hardly ever put anything on my facebook wall, can't remember the last thing, and don't care enough now to go check. 

Later that evening, I was still all *razzum frazzum razzum frazzum*.  I vented to Magnum as we went for our old folks walk.  I was replaying it in my head too much.  Then I would replay the other version - the one where I scratch her up. 

I wasn't proud of this.

I'm not posting this to b*tch about that driver.  Eventually, I did let it go.  But I would have liked the letting go to have happened sooner.  And honestly, as I rehash it out here, I'm starting to feel the *razzum frazzums* trying to bubble up again. 

So, I'm seeking advice again.  How do you let things go and keep them from messing with you after they're done and gone?  Is there an event or situation you still can't let go of?
.

7 comments:

Shawnte said...

That's sad. Some people need to have their license revoked permanently for knowingly committing a traffic violation. Glad you and the children were okay. I could only imagine the toll that a job like that can take on a person after a while.

Linda Hensley said...

Sure, I have tons of things that can get me re-riled up in an instant. Ohmmmm... And I guess that's kind of what I do when I start getting ticked off about something again. Tell myself to let it go, it isn't happening right now, I'm only hurting myself. Gotta say I kind of like the image of the SUV all scratched up though. Oops! Ohmmm...

Reshma said...

1. Get ordinary balloon. Pretty color preferred.
2. Blow it up using *razzum frazzum razzum frazzum* energy.
3. Step outside.
4. Let go of balloon and watch all *razzum frazzum razzum frazzum* float away.
5. Get back inside and go back to normal :D

agg79 said...

Run, Forrest, Run!
That's one of the reasons I run - to keep from killing those idiots drivers who seem to be oblivious to everyone else. Besides, it is a more constructive way to burn off that "I want to beat your head in with my bare fists" feeling. Those who blow through school zones really get my ire (one of my hot buttons). Nothing is that important to risk the lives of kids and people in that 100 yard zone.

And I like your idea of "tagging" her SUV with your stop sign. But it probably would have cost you crossing guard stripes.

Rock Chef said...

I for one would not be able to let this go. If people insist on driving a half ton killing machine they should grow up and learn how to be responsible.

How about wearing your helmet cam for a while? Record all this crap - have an evening at the school where the footage gets shown - or put it on YouTube - or send it to the Police.

It is only a matter of time before something really nasty happens, and it is the reason that a friend of ours recently gave up being a crossing guard.

terri said...

Beer.

Okay, I'm sorta kidding about that.

To be honest, I can let go of some things ... the kind of things that don't involve the potential for injury or death or long-term damage. But this kind of thing, I would not be able to let go.

So yes. I have some grudges I'm holding.

"Abby" said...

Thank you everyone, this is all very helpful! Beer, balloons, lots of running, mantras... and I did bring the helmet cam today. Of course, it was sitting off and in my pocket for the red light runner. Grrrr....

(Nice to see you Reshma!)