Tuesday, December 2, 2008

alpha male to omega-3

So Magnum recently had a check-up at the doctor's. They called him back a coupla days later.

"It was my bloodwork", he says.

"They say my triglycerides are high, my HDL is too low, and I need more sex", he continued.

*pause for look of skepticism from me*

"Okay, I threw in the last one. What are triglycerides??"

"I dunno", I adeptly replied, "they've never called ME back *snicker snicker*".

True to form, Magnum looked up information on triglycerides. It's basically fat. He's one of these people that, for most of his life, has eaten however much of whatever he wants without too many repurcussions. Maybe it's catching up. To his defense, he had just returned from a business trip before the check-up. Those business trips are really just week-long artery hardening fests. Plenty of expense account food and beverages, very little exercise.

I guess he's supposed to eat "heart healthy" now? To get his numbers into the normal range? Does this mean I have to learn how to cook? What about my scrawny children?

Anyway, I'm off to the grocery store. At least I won't have to think too much to buy the toilet paper.


Beej said...

I had a friend who ate half a package of double stuff oreos before his blood work the next day and his triglycerides were through the roof. So much that he was refused insurance. He took it again a week later and everything was fine. Just sayin!

Judy said...

Yeah, it is pretty much contingent on your diet over the past 24-72 hours...he could probably go in tomorrow and get a completely different result, unless he pounds back a carton of ice cream tonight.

Anonymous said...

I am siding with Beej on this one. See? I pushed her over and she's on her side and.., when I get done here I am hauling my scrawny butt outta here before she hurts me. Baaad!

Triglycerides are little tiny transvestite troglodytes what reside in the human body. I thought everyone knew this! And you! Former dweller of Sex Change Village of the world - should have known this stuff. Uhm - DON'T HURT ME! I'm old, senile and bruise easily. But then Beej would argue - "perfect - I can catch Dave easy, beat the hell out of him and he wont remember much about it afterwords".

~ Sigh ~ I cant get any retrospect - eh - respect. Same difference, really. (hugs)

terri said...

Why do men always throw that last line in? Don't they know we're onto them with that one? Wonder what he would have said if you had responded with something like, "Oh? I'm kinda busy this week, but I'm sure Neighbor Flanders could fill in for me."

brandy101 said...

Oh, also, my hubby, too, never has to watch what he eats in terms of his WIEGHT but he also has high cholesterol and triglicerides.

I think it is because he eats a LOT of chocolate - and not the pseudo-healthy dark chocolate, but the sugary milk or white chocolate. He has a big bowl of it on his desk for *visitors* but I know he must snack on it often!