I was back up at the school today for more human resourcefulness. This time, we were specifically dealing with fall and spring test dates and that whole reasoning as to June and me switching places on those days.
I know I mentioned that the whole reasoning behind that is just too boring to tell, but... that's not true. It's just that, I'm not (really) allowed to say.
But as I was sitting there this morning in the conference room with June and the Principal and the Assistant Principal and the district Superintendent and the Colorado Board of Education, the whole situation of my cover up here on the blog was gnawing at me. So I'm coming clean because I know my loyal readers and the surfers who end up here after searching "fat people artist" or "women's tights" or "boobs" will keep it shut.
"Testing days" aren't really testing days. Oh yes, "scores" are submitted for each kid, along with paperwork, but it's really just a ruse.
Testing days are really the days where we replace the children with their synthetic doubles.
I have to be at the school and June has to be on Crazy Driver Boulevard on those days because there's no school lunch on test days.
Now you know.
Okay, that's only partly true. Here's the actual truth and I'm going to blurt it all in one breath in all it's boringness, so try to follow along:
JUNE AND I TRADE PLACES BECAUSE IN ADDITION TO BEING A CROSSING GUARD JUNE IS A LUNCHROOM MONITOR BUT I HAVE NO ADDITIONAL JOBS AT SCHOOL SO IN ORDER TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR JUNE AND THE BACK-UP CROSSING GUARDS JUNE DOES THE USUAL BEFORE AND AFTER SCHOOL SHIFTS AND ADDITIONALLY DOES THE MID-DAY SHIFT WHEN MORNING TESTS ARE COMPLETED AND THOSE KIDS GO HOME AND ANOTHER BATCH OF KIDS GOES TO SCHOOL FOR AFTERNOON TESTING AND THIS WAY ONE OF THE BACK-UP CROSSING GUARDS COVERS THE CROSSWALK IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL AT THE MID-DAY CHANGEOVER SINCE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WORK DURING THAT TIME THIS BEING A GOVERNMENT JOB AND ALL AND ITS JUST EASIER TO HAVE BACK-UP COVERAGE FOR THE FRONT OF THE SCHOOL BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO COVER CRAZY DRIVER BOULEVARD BUT JUNE AND I REALLY DON'T CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE FLEXIBLE TEAM PLAYERS.
(BIG LOUD INHALE)
There are some additional, equally boring details, but I was running out of oxygen.
And this morning, I actually had to go to the school to sign a paper saying that that was all okay with me, in the presence of all of the people mentioned above except for the Assistant Principal, the district Superintendent, and the Colorado Board of Education.
Aaahhhh, I feel so much better now. No more secrets, k?