Thursday, September 27, 2012

eleven in the same bathtub

This communal living thing sounded like such a good idea at first.  I liked the variety, the mixing of different cultures and backgrounds.  And it was nice, at first.  The relaxed atmosphere, the free love, all of it.

We put some thought and planning into who would be our cohabitants.  We knew we wanted hardy folk - those who would tow the line without being high maintenance.  No fragile constitutions.  Next, we addressed appearance.  Yes, I admit that physical attractiveness was important to me.

We carefully selected our first family:  Zee and his two wives - Zelda and Zina.  They are a pretty happy threesome.  I know that Zee would be miserable and frustrated if single.  Even one wife wouldn't be enough to satisfy him, plus that lone wife would grow tired and stressed by his strong appetite.  Two wives for Zee, and everyone is happy.

Next, the lesbians moved in.  Tina, Tetra, and Tawny. They're a great bunch, and again, a threesome.  They're all very easy going and live a nice, surprisingly drama-free existence.  Never a problem with them.

It's this last bunch that are trouble.  I'm not sure what to do.  They're young bachelors, all of them - Gus, Grog, and Rocky (?).  Looking to sow some oats probably, and feeling rather frustrated about that.  At first, I thought they would fit in with our group.  They are tough, I'll give them that.  They do their share of the work and look good while doing it.  But they are just a little too aggressive much of the time.

They don't bother the lesbians much.  I guess they realize there's no point in bothering them.  But Zee's wives drive them to near madness with all that raw sexuality and fertility.

Patrick and Fin, the maintenance guys, just keep to their work and stay out of it all.

And really, it didn't bother me that much until the murders started happening.  Worse than murder actually.  Infanticide.

The bachelors are clearly unhappy that they have no love lives.  Having Zelda and Zina around, but off limits, has driven them to unspeakable acts.  They've been killing the offspring.

I know this is the natural order of things, I just don't know if I want it going on under the roof where I live, in the habitat that I have created for them.

What can I say?  As I get older, I worry about the state of my karma.


  1. I'd say you need to get this under control immediately! Have you thought about adding a security guard? You know, one who'd patrol the habitat continuously looking for any mischievous behavior among the residents. Surely there would be somefish up for the job...

    1. I was actually thinking about farming in some women for the guppy bachelors. That should mellow them out. But then the tank will be riddled with little street urchins...

  2. I'm not sure if that is a soap opera or reality show going on over there. You need to put your flipper down and tell them to knock off the shenanigans or you'll bring in the Cat as a Jerry Springer mediator.

  3. Yes you have to keep an eye on the guppy bachelors because they will cause trouble, and like you said importing in females will only add to the population--really quickly :)

  4. What is this - Colorado Shore? Ah, if only those idiots on Jersey Shore would start killing each other - that would be worth watching!

  5. You obviously just need more females. Then everyone will be happy.