Tuesday, January 10, 2012

P.S. I'm really really sorry

Today a friend shared that PostSecret had posted his submission.  Have you been to that site/read the books?  Various people's cathartic secret confessions?  Some are rather silly bathroom-type things.  Some deal with illegal activities.  Some are downright creepy

I went to the site and checked the recent secrets to see if I could figure out which one was his.  I don't know which one and he's not telling.  I'm good with that because, it's supposed to be a secret.

There is probably a helpful psychological aspect that comes from submitting a confession and then seeing it show up in print.  I suppose I'll never know, though, since I really have nothing to be particularly sorry about.  Nope, I got nuthin'.

I don't have anything like that time back in high school, when I was pretty good friends with this girl I'll call Sherri.  Sherri had a boyfriend.  I had a boyfriend.  Sherri and her boyfriend had a rather volatile relationship.  Nothing physically violent, but just a lot of emotional ups and downs.  Theirs was much like mine and my boyfriend's.

I don't have anything like the fact that I was pretty good friends with Sherri's boyfriend too.  I'll call him Freddie.  Freddie had a fun sense of humor and was just fun to be with.  And we were on the track team together so cheered each other in our respective events.  He was a good miler, I was a pretty decent quarter-miler.  We got each other.

I don't have anything like with the whole on-again-off-againness of both mine and Freddie's respective relationships, leading to there often being emotional turmoil going on with at least one of us.  Being from a small town, we all hung out together - sometimes with the boyfriends/girlfriends, sometimes not. 

I don't have anything like the time Freddie and I and some of our other friends were out camping and talking and drinking beer around the fire.  I don't have anything about Freddie and I both being sad about our latest fights with the boyfriend/girlfriend.  I don't have anything like how the whole attraction that had been building the entire track season, combined with beer and campfire and openning up and sadness, led Freddie and me to pair up when the inevitable pairings up ensued.

Even though I don't have anything like the eventual make-out session being relatively chaste, I know if there was such a thing, it wouldn't have been parentally sanctioned.

And so I didn't experience the overwhelming guilt I felt for what I'd done to Sherri.  And when it got back to Sherri and she never spoke to me again, I don't know how much more awful that made it.  I don't know anything about how it would have made me feel so awful, that the awful feeling would last 30 years and more.

But if I did, that's what I would be so sorry for.


terri said...

High school is such a time of self-discovery and figuring out how the real world works. It's a time of making mistakes. So even though you didn't make that particular mistake, I would say, if you did, you wouldn't be alone.

agg79 said...

What terri said. High school can be the best or worst time of your life. A lot to learn and some of the lessons can last a lifetime. We are all young and made mistakes and hopefully we can learn & grow from them.

Rock Chef said...

Unlike you, a lot of people make mistakes like that. Better to not do it while young and in stead of when there are marriages and children to make things even worse.

CiCi said...

That's a tough one all right. It must have been a very good lesson though. We all make mistakes, no matter the age, and we just have to forgive ourselves and hope others forgive us too.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy reading your posts. You are a very good writer.

Anonymous said...

Your non-experience with not pairing up with your best friend's boyfriend is probably why you are still married after 22 years. Everyone has things that they are still sorry about years after they've happened, but that's what makes us better people. You probably did her a favor as well, so don't beat yourself up too much. Your past choices and behavior have made you a great wife, mom and extreme crossing guard today. :)