Thursday, November 17, 2011

street fash-on

"Never compare  your inside with somebody else's outside".  --- Hugh Macleod

I've been feeling a little... well... inadequate this week.

It all started last weekend when we went to that football game.  All those beautiful people out there, looking so well put together.  So youthful and crisp.  Yes, I have vest envy.

We were parking the van, and those parking lot attendants' vests were the bomb!  It made me stop and realize how frumpy my crossing guard vest is.  Here's a shot of it, clearly past its prime.

See how it just lays there?  On whatever happens to be available to lay across? 

It's mesh with a teeny worn-out patch of velcro to hold it shut.  Woe to the wearer should a slight wind come along. 

But then, I told myself, I'm a crossing guard.  These were Parking Lot Attendants.  Parking Lot Attendants at a military installation.  They deserve the primo outerwear.

And all was fine until yesterday.

I was out driving in the next school district over.  You know, the one with the lower test scores and higher drop-out rate than our school district?   I came across a couple of crossing guards, and they had some spanking vests, I gotta say!

It made me curious.  What other alternatives are out there?

Here's a hot little number.  Shine up the go-go boots and do the exposed shoulder thing, and that traffic will be a-stopping!

Or how 'bout the "Yay Team!" look? Nothing says safety like matching rain slickers.  Plus, after the shift is done, go out and do an episode of "Deadliest Catch"!

                                         Just no.

Ah, yes.  Put on some skinny jeans with pumps and carry an umbrella a la Mary Poppins, and those kids will follow you anywhere!

Okay, who calls this a uniform?  It's a cargo strap.  I don't feel so bad now.

Gay pride parades need officials too, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.  

Okay, the Graphic Novel look isn't really my style, but I do feel her pain.  

I guess I'll stick with the frump vest. It's not like I really have  a say anyway.

POD:  Waiflike fashion icon, or just the lucky lucky girl that got to take underwear photos with Marky Mark?


  1. You're artsy! Go out and buy yourself a cute down vest (or cute fake down vest) (cuz it gets cold there and you need the warmth.) Then get yourself some reflective tape. (Do they still make the iron-on kind?) (Am I abusing my allotted allowance of parentheses here?) Then make a design that just screams "Abby the cool/funny/artistic/protective/fashionable Crossing Guard!"

    Just a thought.

  2. My motorcycle conspicuity vest faded through years of exposure. At a military safety event, one soldier ribbed me & asked me why it was pink, to which I replied, "It's not pink -- it's SALMON!"

  3. I kinda like the go-go boots and off the shoulder look. Definitely would make people stop. Of course the graphic novel version would be jumping over cars and bringing down traffic scofflaws.