Tuesday, June 23, 2009

maybe it's just shy?

I've consulted my records, and my suspicions are true.

I'm overdue for the dreaded pap smear.

Okay, fellas. In case little red flags went off in your heads, signalling that things are about to go all TMI, you're absolutely right! Feel free to beat a hasty exit NOW!

Now, the "dreaded" pap smear hasn't always been the "dreaded" pap smear. It used to just be the pap smear. But it seems that somewhere between Chaco and Meego, my faithful uterus decided to get all tippy or "retroverted".

I would never have known of this shift had I not been informed of it the first time a doctor went looking.... and looking.... and looking.... and looking for my pap smear target cervix. Apparently the thing is quite elusive now.

So the "routine" pap smear has since become the "dreaded" pap smear. Oh, yes, they eventually DO find the thing and take the "dreaded" swab. But I've had these doctors make interesting comments as they spelunk around in search of treasure.

"Hmmmm.... I know those babies came out of SOMEwhere"

"Sorry if this feels like I'm trying to remove your teeth via this route"

"Really, I do these pap smears all the time!...heh"

(Just pick a spot on the ceiling and ride it out)

In her defense, my current doctor probably dreads my pap smear as much as I do. Makes me wonder. Other people rehash things at the end of the day. Lawyers talk about messy cases. Engineers ponder design problems. Moms fret over obnoxious behavior. Etc. I can see my doctor, sitting at her dinner table.

"Bitch of a pap smear today..."


  1. Thanks for the warning, I stopped at the red, see you next post.

  2. Only a woman can appreciate this story! I can especially identify with "the spot on the ceiling."

  3. A clean pap is so much better than the alternative! Good luck with it.

  4. Haha! I had mine a week or so back, but thankfully all I had to contend with was making the usual awkward conversation during... I guess at least you have a talking point ("hey, look at my tricky anatomy!"), small consolation though it might be...

  5. You got cajones to share those details with the rest of the world. I'll have to regale you on one of my prostate exams.

    Sometimes it ain't all fame & glory in certain medical specialties.