Tuesday, July 28, 2015

she said I was boring, then told me I should stick it where the sun don't shine

I had a "well woman check" yesterday.  It's just another hoop to jump through for Magnum's employer's health incentive program.  We got money for me having a well woman check.

"Well woman" strikes me as an odd term.  Sounds like a character in a Cecil B. Demille movie:

      The well woman was portrayed by Abby Normal
      *publicy photo of me in ragged dress, holding a roped bucket*

My doctor's appointment wasn't nearly as dramatic.  In fact, Dr. told me I was boring.

"I don't see you for two years and you're as boring as the last time!"

I told her I would try to keep it that way.

Anyway, she's quite friendly and laid back.  I think this was only my second appointment with her as she replaced my previous doctor who was also quite friendly and laid back.  So we're going through the various well woman pokes and prods (pick a spot on the ceiling... pick a spot on the ceiling... pick a spot on the...), and she's talking about her daughters and the recent vacation they all took, and next thing I  know, she starts throwing around the dreaded "colonoscopy".

Wait, what?  We were having such a nice visit.
Another perk of turning 50.  Pfffft.

Meanwhile, as I was sitting in the waiting area, I couldn't help but notice the office aquarium.  In addition to other varieties, it is home to three fish that are the same breed as my monsters.  Except the doctor's office fish seem typical as publicized.

"...a South American fish that will make a great addition to any community aquarium..."

HA!  Very funny, not.  Tell that to my large deceased community!

My two monsters continue to thrive in the Tank of Death.  They've even tried to kill the scuba diver/treasure hunter by removing his air hose.  But really, the diver was already suffocated by the copious amounts of algae that have consumed him since the monster fish killed every algae-eating plecostomus I've invited over.

See them here?  Just behind my shoulder?

I continue to care for and feed them as they are totally dependent on me for such maintenance.  But dang, these fish just won't die!  I swear, I think they've lived longer than any fish I've had.

I guess there's something to be said for ruthlessness. If I become ruthless, can I skip the colonoscopy?



LL Cool Joe said...

My daughter was fed up having fish, so she cleaned the tank out with dettol, That was the end of her fish. She swears she didn't do it on purpose.

Abby said...

Ha! I actually had to look up what dettol is. Strictly out of curiosity, not for research or anything like that...

terri said...

Your doctor sounds much like mine. I don't look forward to seeing her for obvious reasons, but she makes it as painless as possible, all things considered. I'm sure the subject of colonoscopies will come up around the time of my next visit. yay. not.

I never wanted fish. Mark had a tank years ago and it was always green. I finally convinced him to get rid of it. Kacey brought a fish home from school this summer. He's a Beta and his name is Ralph. I'm growing attached. I may have to get me some fish soon. Especially since Mark recently nixed the idea of me adopting another rescue dog.

ShadowRun300 said...

Nothing wrong with being a bore at the doctor's office. Sorry she ruined your experience with the c word.
I had to look up Dettol too. Seems like it would clean your fish tank well. ;)

Riot Kitty said...

That last line had me snickering at my desk...lunch break...what kind of insurance pays you to go to the dr? Mine makes *me* pay.

Abby said...

I will say that fish are easier than rescue dogs, but not nearly as affectionate!

Abby said...

I might buy some of that Dettol. Just in case things get real ugly.

Abby said...

They give us money to go to the dr. when we don't need to. If we need to go, then we hafta pay!