Wednesday, December 12, 2012

hot mess

Ms. A was a visiting professor.  I was in her English Lit. class for the necessary humanities credits.  I don't remember that much about the class.  We read.  We dissected what we read, endlessly.

Ms. A was probably in her late 50's.  Unmarried.  My impression of her, from her personality, was that she was probably an ex-"hippie".  Marijuana.  Free love.  The whole package.  I liked her as an instructor.  She was laid back and seemed to enjoy discussing English Lit.  She gave me an "A".

At the end of the semester, she invited the class to her small house for a sort of cocktail party where we mingled and watched a movie version of one of the literary works we'd studied.  Neither the literary work nor the movie was memorable enough to stay with me.

As far as physical appearance, her hair was dyed a reddish brown.  Lipstick usually looked hastily applied.  She had a soft apple shape.  I hadn't really thought about her physical appearance much until the day I came across her in the sauna.

I used to go to the University rec center quite regularly.  There was a cardio room, a weight room, a pool, a 1/8 mile track.  In the large locker room was a dry sauna.  Very relaxing after a workout and shower.

Usually, there were just other student regulars in there.  We'd sit and lazily chat, keep each other from dozing off.

One day, I entered to find Ms. A sitting there with another oldish woman.  Both of them buck naked in all their respective soft appleness.

Okay, that was weird.

She was one of my teachers.  Naked right there.  Hippie or not, it was strange.  If she hadn't been one of my professors, I wouldn't have cared.  But I must have compartmentalized her into the Teacher box, and it was strange seeing her out of it.  Really out of it.

She didn't seem particularly uncomfortable with me, a student of hers, being in there.  I proceeded to close my eyes and pretend to meditate or something.


"I think I saw JB's tutor last week.  Is she a crossing guard?  On Crazy Driver Boulevard?"

One of my students' moms told me her daughter thought she saw me being all crossing guard, or at least someone that really looked like me being all crossing guard.  Was it me?

"Yep, that's me", I confirmed.

Apparently, JB's sister babysits one of the kids from Hoopa Choopa Elementary School, my place of crossing guardness.  She picks him up after school.

"Oh, well that's nice to know that side of you", the mom said.  I guess she had compartmentalized me into the Tutor box, and seeing me out of it gave her fresh perspective.

I'm glad it wasn't a sauna.


  1. I have never, ever, seen another woman in the raw. I can't help it, but your entire post just reminded me of that surprising fact and I lack any better input on a very good post!

    1. Really? Never ever? How about, go observe one and report back your findings.

  2. Uh yeah... much better to be at a crosswalk dressed as stylishly as you do, than in a sauna - undressed. :/ I don't think I coulda stayed in there, but I guess it would have been just as awkward to turn around and walk out.

  3. I think I'd rather see the Crossing Guard Tutor than the Naked Sauna English Lit Teacher.

    Back in the day our Scout troop went swimming in the mountains it was quite a shock to turn around and see the Scoutmaster skinny dipping, had that been today he would have been arrested I know, but back then we just looked the other way because the only thing he was doing was keeping his clothes dry.

    I still wish he had at least kept his shorts on Ha Ha

    1. Ha, that's funny. Yes, today he would be hauled off to jail protesting, "I just wanted to keep my clothes dry, really!"

  4. "That which has been seen, cannot be unseen"
    (he says in his Yoda voice)

  5. Oh, yea. Seeing someone "out of uniform" like that will definitely change your perspective. Hard to maintain any aloofness in your birthday suit.

    I think Guano nail it.

    1. Now I'm thinking that there should've been a separate faculty sauna.

  6. I don't wanna see anyone naked who I wouldn't normally expect to see naked. As you can imagine, that's a very short list. Hippie or no, that teacher might have thought twice about who she might run into in the naked sauna.